Living It

Dude...Wtf?

2009-09-22T20:14:39Z

Yeah it's been like....forever since I posted anything in here. Ive just been through hell and back again, so what can you expect. Anywho, I just wanted to post a quick: I'M OKAY! I'M ALIVE!!! and then move on. I can't say I'll be posting more often on here, because that would be lying, but I will try to get something in every once and a while, especially after a crisis. :P And there doesn't seem to be a short in those in my life. But anywho, yeah I'm alright and I'll try to post again soon. Ciao! :3

-Westy (Lauren)

OMFG!

2009-04-14T01:54:54Z

MYTH IS BACK!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOT!

...That's all I have to say. :)

Rambling

2009-04-11T21:15:21Z

I just needed someplace to write. :) This journal won't have any real order to it.

So, I've gotten some more arts up on Fur Affinity nows, and you can expect lots more. I'm getting lots better at anthro characters methinks and I'm proud of how my stuff is turning out. Now if only I had a scanner, lol.

I'm going to be quitting my job soon here, as I search for another one. I just...can't work in the fast food business, it's not he right place for me, I hate what I do, I don't like the people I work with, and I'm gonna hunt for something better and more enjoyable. The money matters little to me, hell I'd even settle for a volunteer position at a Vet clinic over working the grease friers at Wendys. It's my choice, so please don't scold me for it.

I think I may have fractured my wrist somehow...it hurts really bad and it;s swollen. It's a sharp pain when I move it, not like the sprained feeling. IDK, we'll have to see if it gets better or not.

I'm trying really hard to keep my emotions under control, my parents, me and Mackenzy (Firus) are working together on a plan that will keep me from getting too overwhelemed. Wioth their continued support, as well as that of my friends here online, , you know who you are, things should be getting lots better. Only time will tell.

Dude, last night I saw Knowing at the movies and DAMN that was a good movie! The graphics were orgasmic, not to mention the end of the earth plot stuff was epic! There are even aliens in it, it's so cool! 8D You should go see it if you haven't yet. ^^

Anywho, I think I'm done rambling...oh wait! Here's some of the stuff you can find on my iPod as of right now:

I Hate This Part -PCD
Poker Face -Lady Gaga
Teardrop -Massive Attack
Love Today -Mika
Wolf Moon - Type O Negative
Full Moon -The Black Ghosts
Supermassive Black Hole -Muse
Ring My Bells -Enrique Inglesias
Right Round -Flo Rida
Take Me Away -Globus
Kitsune -FoxAmoore
Untouched -The Veronicas

And many many more! Check 'em out if they're not familiar to ya. ^^

Well, that's it for now. Ciao!

P.s. Sorry for any misspellings, typing with a brace on is hard!

It's worsening...

2009-04-09T22:36:57Z

I just thought I should write a little about what happened the other night. It's been bugging me alot. =/

My anger spells are becomming violent now. I've taken to not only destroying furniture, but now I've also tried to hurt my dad. In the heat of the moment, I kicked him against the wall and smacked him in the face. My fury has never reached this dangerous level before. I'm very scared and very confused, for this sudden attacks are giving me whiplash.

For those who know, me, I am not a violent, angry person right? You know that. I know that. I blame the Lithium for these reactions. I mean I could be angry before, like really bad, but not violent. I'm scared of myself, scared of my own feelings, cause they are out of control. I don't really know what to do to handle it. I'm just looking towards my parents and therapists and crying help. Something's gotta give, but I don't know what. I just want to be happy again, and peaceful, not a raging lunatic.

Okay, so I failed.

2009-04-06T23:36:56Z

Yep, I didn't update like I promised. xD I am so PHAIL.

Now that I'm here though, here's mah update for joo. :)

-I am indeed bipolar, and am taking Lithium now.
-I am once again failing math, but school is going pretty well otherwise.
-I have a job at Wendy's and am starting to become more independant around the house.
-My mate Mackenzy (Firus) and I are closer than ever, and I swear there's never been two people more made for eacother than us. <333
- I'm drawing and taking lots of photographs and things, so if you want to keep in touch with my artwork, see my DA (Werewolfwitch1) and FA (Werewolfwitch) accounts.
- I've discovered the wonderfulness of Second Life and play whenever I can. I'm "Karria Metaluna" on there if you want to befriend me. I'm currently saving up my Lindens for a really spiffy avatar, feel free to donate to my funds. ;)

That's about it for big stuff, I will try (god damnit) to update here more often, goddesses know I need a good place to rant, lol So yeah, I'm getting along well, I miss you all still and one day soon we shall be reunited. ^^ Keep in touch through LJ okay everyone? I have not forgotten you! Thanks for reading.

-Lauren (Westy/Karria/Jassy)

Dude... I suck!

2009-01-11T19:45:05Z

I never manage to update here as much as I ought to. Lots more crap has happened since summer lol.

I guess I'll just make a general recap on my life since summer. I got kicked out of my old school, AAEC and chucked into the Looney bi--okay fine, rehab for computer addiction and legal complications. I'm not going into details because well, hell, if you all don;t know by now what happened, I don;t know where you've been. I spent a month in there and then went straight to Outrpatient carex where I continued my therapy and this process has helped me to get my life back together and take care of myself. Really it;'s helping me to grow the fuck up.

After that I got put into a new school Greenway High, which is where I met my dearest Firus (aka Mackenzy). For those of you who don't know, where' dating...he's been there for me through all of this when I couldn;t rely on my family online. Btw, I MISS YOU ALL LIKE HELL!!!!! ;_; It sucks not being able to talk to you. But anyway, between battling depression, suicidal thoughts, familial issues etc, Mackenzy's been my support through it all.

Right now things are stable within the family and I'm wokring on getting over the withdrawel of loosing my friends onlline here. I'm drawing more and just trying to live life as it comes.

So yeah, that's about it for me.

I'll try to update more often now.

Love,

Lauren

Update Summer '08

2008-07-08T16:18:28Z

Okay, so it's been ages since I've written anything in here, and now that I actually ave something good to write about rather than rant about, I think it's time I update. :)

First order of the day, my final grades. They go as follows:

English: A -
Biology: B +
Vet Science: A +
Algebra 1-2: F-A-I-L (Yet again, but at least I've received half a credit now rather than no credit in math at all. <_< )
CIS (Computer Information Systems): B
Yoga: Dropped...

So ll in all I did pretty well, though math is still a glaring hole, I am still being allowed to move forward into the Geometry unit this next semester even though I have yet to pass algebra.

This brings me to my next item of news. Because all my other grade were above C level, my parents have given me the go ahead to revamp my room at last! I will be able to paint the walls (blue! not PINK! DX ) and get new furniture in there and hopefully convince my mom I need new carpet too.

The next bit of news for me would have to be that of my Boyfriend, Ian (aka Beo.) <33333 Although there are many factors between our relationship (such as age and distance, and for me parents) none of that will ever deter me in my love for him. he is the greatest guy any girl could ask for, and is more than just a lover, he's also a friend. He brings joy to my day, makes me laugh and smile, cheers me up when I'm down and can be the sweetest mushiest guy I have ever met. :3 Every time he says he loves me my love for him only grows. Whenever I am around him, I feel perpetually at ease, and a contentness I never can get from anyone or any where else. Ian is my savior, my protector the love of my life...and in the time to come, I hope that the two of us can be happy together for ever and after.

Heh, now that my mushy side is sated, back to the other news... XD

Currently I have just started taking my Summer School Spanish class so that I can earn the credit i did not get in my Freshman year. So far the class is looking up for me and I am determined to do well.

Another mile marker this year would have to be the coming of my SWEET SIXTEEN!!! Yaaaaaay!!! \o/ Lol, I can't wait... What!? it's a big thing for me, birthdays. :P

Well, I think that's just about it for my Summer so far...I am leaving out the details on my trip to Wisconsin to visit family because well...you all don't really care about the lunatics that make up my family do you? XD

OH wait! one last thing, I finally finished my Armored wolf RP site, Forge! Go check it out and join ussssssss. >=D ...or I shall eat your soul! XD http://pawsfromtheforge.proboards81.com/index.cgi

Anyways, cia for now! More later!

-Lauren

P.S. ZOMG! It's BEO!!!!!! 8DDD

A broken record and a box of Nostalgia

2008-03-11T19:20:12Z

I wanna take you away
Lets escape into the music
DJ let it play
I just can't refuse it
Like the way you do this
Keep on rocking to it
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the
Please don't stop the music

-Don't stop the music by Rihanna

Everyone's expirienced it. A song (or songs) that are perpetually stuck in your head? No matter what you do, you can't get it out? Heh, I'm having one of those times right now.

Two songs: Don't stop the music by Rihanna and Apologize by One Republic (ft. Timbaland) playing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and...*repeats to infinity + 1*

It's drving me crazy! XD But for some reason I like it! :)

On another note, I'm going on a nostalgia trip with music, some of the stuff I haven't heard in a while, like the following:

The Freshman by The Verve
Shine by Collective Soul
Ordinary World by Duran Duran
I just died in your arms tonight by Foreigner (or Cutting Crew?)
Accidentally in love by Counting Crows
Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics
Steal my Sunshine by Len
Champagne Supernove by Oasis
Love my way by Psychedelic Furs
Magic Carpet Ride by Steppenwolf
Desert Rose by Sting
She's so high by Tal Bachman
Everybody wants to rule the world by Tears for Fears
The Promise by When in Rome
Turning Japanese by The Vapors
Mysterious ways by U2
Unbelievable by EMF (This happens to be my "theme song", it's the song that plays in the background of my first baby video, I can't play it without thinking of my video. XD ...There's a bit of trivia about me for ya. ;P )

I bet some of you recognize those songs. ^^ If you happen to go off and listen to any of those because you found yourself in a moment of "Oh my gosh! I remember that one!" :D I'm glad I could bring a bit of reminiscence to your day. Just thought I'd share this...

Spring BREAK? Yeah right. (Strong Language)

2008-03-11T18:52:53Z

Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
Under pressure - that burns a building down
Splits a family in two
Puts people on streets

Insanity laughs under pressure we're cracking
Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance

'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And loves dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves

-Under Pressure by Queen

Spring break is supposed to be a break from school and work, right? It's supposed to be fun, and a time for you to do the things you couldn't (like stay up late, hang with friends, go places)because you didn't have the time or had other plans? ...LIES! All lies!!! >.<;;

For me Spring break is turning out really shitty. With math, math, math, math and more math being crammed down my throat (though I know it's all happening "for the better" and because of my bad choices, it's not the point, my mind is being taxed to the limit, I'm about to crack.) and the Mombitch, this year's break is just peachy! Mom keeps picking out the negitive in everything I do, from math, to my chores, to my clothes, to what friend I have over, it's like she's just one big ball of negitive. She's pissier than hell and takes it all out on me, and I'm like what the fuck did I DO!!!??? Her anger outbursts seem to come very very easilly lately, over the smallest things and because Dad's never around, (he travels way too god damn much for business so he never knows the half of what it's like here when mom goes beserk, and at this rate he never will know) Mom has no option but to take out her anger on me.

For example:

Sunday night I stayed up to 4:30 in the morning, roleplaying on the computer. Well, naturally around 3pm Monday I went and took a nap, I was tired. Well, you won't believe (or maybe you can) what my mother has the nerve to do behind my back while I'm asleep. She unplugs and fucking hides my laptop from me, saying I don't get it back for 24hours because I "disobeyed" her. Then I ask her how I disobeyed her and she will not give me a direct answer, all I get is the "You know what you did..." bullshit! It wasn't untill this morning that I managed to get an answer. It's because I stayed up so late after my mom went to sleep on Sunday that she took away my PC privaleges. Let me just clarify one thing though. It's not the fact that I haven't got my PC, because I can live a day without it. It's the fact that she had to SNEAK the PC away, WHILE I WAS SLEEPING! I mean for crying out loud! What. The. Fuck. Shows how much spine she's got. She even sat me down to "talk" about it, which only ended up in us screaming (that's our version of "talking") and crying. Mom and I fight way too much...I think to an unhealthy level... It's one messed up circle that we both keep trying to break, but it welds itself back together far too quickly for us to do anything to save ourselves from the screaming, the tears and the hurt.

...Now that I've vented... I feel much better about the whole thing. Goes to show how much writing helps me. (And if you are wondering, I'm on the home PC, while mom's at work... I couldnt hold all this in, I had to write.)

In other news, while I'm still on the "This is what sucks for me right now." rampage, Myth and Era are down, for god knows how long, and my scanner is no longer compatible with my PC. It's not supported my Win XP. So I cannot put up any new artwork, which I SO wish to do, on Deviantart. *insert heavy, dramatic sigh here.* Well, now it's time for me to go do MORE chores, stuff I don't normally do (I swear mom's just trying to keep me busy...and get into fights...maybe she likes it... >.> <.< ) becuase mom is going on one of her OMFG MUST CLEEEEEEEAN!!!!!! sprees. I don't think I'll ever understand her...

More later.

-LRW

P.S. Is it just me or do I seem to be ragging and complaining in this journal way too much? O_o

We interrupt this program to annoy you and make things generally irritating!

2008-02-24T06:29:05Z

*Insert song lyrics here*

All I have to say is this: ... ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!

-Is stressed out, hasn't slept properly in about 2 days now...-

...Blame my annoying cousins...

Math Sucks!

2008-02-20T21:00:59Z

If necessity is the mother of invention
Then I'd like to kill the guy who invented this
The numbers come together in some kind of 3rd dimension
A regular algebraic bliss.
Let's start with something simple
Like one and one ain't three
And two plus two will never get you five
There's fractions in my subtraction
And X don't equal Y
But my homework is bound to multiply

Math sucks (math sucks)
Math sucks (math sucks)
I'd like to burn this textbook, I hate this stuff so much!
Math sucks (math sucks)
Math sucks (math sucks)
Sometimes I think that I don't know that much--But math sucks!

There we go, you can tell this has something to do with can't you? Well, yes it does. The lyrics are from the song Math Sucks by Jimmy Buffett, I was gonna post this last night, but because of a parental induced 10:00 bedtime, it had to wait till now, after school (and Ironically, after Math class...)

So the situation is this: Abesent the day of the Math test, come in on a day I usually never have school (my school only hold class 4 days a week every week, all year, yes, I know, haha, sucks for you!) a Friday, spend three hours thinking I'm doing just great on it, turn it in, eyes practically falling out of my head byt his time, only to get it back Tuesday (after Moonday (Presidents Day) I had off) to see I've gotten a 58 out of 88! Now THAT sucks! So I come home, bummed, and get ready for my weekly Math tutoring session, and she and I work through it, only to find that the only reason I failed so damn bad because of the petty, stupid mistakes concerning positive and negitives!!!!!!! UGH! I was so pissed! I had it all right except for that! *sigh* So yeah, I told my math loving friend CW (*waves* Hello there CW, if you are reading this! ^^) on IM about this, and vented off some steam, he cheered me up and we went about our business, but this morning, my mind was once again on this petty little thing and Iwoke up an hour late anyways so I had no time to sit down even if I wante to to type this up. So now, after another bout of umiliation when I recieved my homework back, I just HAD to sitdown and vent how I feel about math these days (or maybe not a whole lot has changed since I first learned to count.....but still...). I HATE math, Math hates me, I don't get it and probably never will, I don't know why, but that's how it is... Hey! CW you kow that offer of doing math for the both of us!? I'll PAY you to do my work for me! Considering my tutor gets 20 bucks for an hour, think about what you can get! :D ...But alas, CW is in Canada so no good... :( Oh well, I just had to vent a little off on this matter it just left me feeling really lame... *shrug* That's all I have to say. Laterz!

-Westy

An Introduction For Those Who Care

2008-02-18T18:55:25Z

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone...

So yeah, that's some lyrics from the song Crash and Burn by Savage Garden, which is also currently my favorite band by the way. Anywho, this is just a little something I call an Introduction, for anyone who's going to be keeping tabs on me here at LJ. I want you to know that what you will find in this Journal is mostly Roleplaying stuff and the occasional RL drama that more likely than not will come up. You will not however, find me giving out my address, posting pictures of myself or telling you my e-mail. I have two words for those of you out there looking for that kind of thing: HELL NO!!! I don't do that kind of thing and never will, so please, spare me and don't ask questions like What's you're real name? Can we meet somewhere? Where do you live? Can i see a picture of you? Anything like that will A.) Get you reported and B.)Be ignored by me, I will not respond to topics such as that. You have been warned, and I expect you to understand that.

Now, that being said, let's move away from the lecturing and over to the fun stuff m'kay? Stuff you will find in my journal include new character ideas... Please, please, please don't steal these ideas, they are original created by me and I want to share them with you because I want you to see what I do, but I will cease putting up my characters and such if I find anything of mine gets used without permission, or the ideas get stolen. I will also keep you informed on the activity of me in my two roleplaying communities, Era and Myth, what the latest news is with my characters etc. Also, look for recaps from the weekly online TBL chat (TBL is The Balto League) I go to. As mentioned above, you will more likely than not come acrossed some of my RL drama, my stresses and my successes both. When content like this gets posted, I will either hide it from the public if it's too personal or just let it go for you to see, so you know some of the stuff I, being a real person, with feelings and a life, go through. I may even through in some of my recent photo-manupulations or some fun/funny pictures I come acrossed. I am an avid avatar collector so don't be suprised if my icon changes a whole lot. Quotes, lists and other randomness I can tell you will be common topics here as well.

Well, I think that's just about it, I shall stop my rambling now and let you get on with your life. Thanks for taking the time to read (or in some cases I suspect, skim) this, come back anytime! Peace!

-Westy

P.S. The song thing at the beginning of my entries, will be a common recurrance, just as a hint, the song I chose will normally help you gauge my mood...either that or it just represents the song stuck in my head at the time. XD